Lately I’ve been a little down in reaction to life. It is not as unusual for me as it might be for others, but chances are most of you are surprised. Many people describe me as outgoing, hilarious, crazy, (really don’t enjoy that one, unless you’re smiling when you call me that) and others tell me that they can’t believe the things I say out loud. Those closest to me also know that I’ve had a personal battle with depression that I’ve both won and lost, over the course of my adult life. Sadly, my family takes the brunt of it but luckily still hangs around. The thing is, with depression it sometimes creeps in on me and in what feels like one day, and then it feels like I have to really work at just being the me I am when I’m not feeling down.
I’m a writer when I’m in a funk. I have what I call word storms. They aren’t scary, they are amazing, at least to me! Don’t go all freaky on me, I don’t hear voices or anything like that. Yet. Yet I am able to more clearly articulate what I am feeling and begin writing in what my high school English teacher, Mrs. Hayden, called stream of consciousness. It is my favorite way to write. Just begins with a thought and my brain just pushes it through me to paper or computer. I love using the computer to write because I can actually keep up with my thoughts and generally allow them to fall where they may.
I call it a word storm because living out here in the desert it feels similar to a haboob (dust storm) as it settles over the valley. The haboob being the darkness the valley the depression. See, it makes sense. Not all of my writing is dark, the lighter writing can be likened to the lifting of the storm and the clearing that follows. I’m a bit like weather, pretty mercurial and unpredictable while being remarkably unremarkable as well. Like the weather I have highs and lows but I don’t believe I’ve set any records lately.
Its been a hot summer and it is the desert’s time for cabin fever. Like a Maine winter, housebound by weather and the oppressive heat, I’ve had enough and am waiting for the season’s change.
So Deserthoughts will be my writing. It might be in the form of a recent thought and might also be something that I wrote as far back as high school which was many, many decades ago. Try not to be afraid of some of the things I write about. I’d like to be honest here, but I’d also like not to hurt the people that I care about so I’ll try to be cautiously truthful.
I won’t use but an occasional name in my writing. I’ll begin with Ruth…..